1. I don't mean to hurt your feelings.

I don't mean to hurt your feelings but remember about 10 years ago that summer afternoon when I came by with flowers to surprise you, and while I sat on your futon you called that guy and made a date for that night? That made me feel kinda weird.
I went home and wrote you a long letter. But I decided not to send it. Then a few days later I got a letter from you. You said, "I want someone who is ready." I guess that musician guy is ready.
I bought a six pack. I drank two beers. I was going to call Bill. I was going to call Leonard. But I just listened to that Joni Mitchell song you used to sing on your guitar. Then I had another beer. Then I tried to go to sleep. Then I got up and took a shower. Then I had another beer. Then I wrote you another letter. This letter was nicer than the last one. It was a long letter about you and me. And then I went to sleep.

* * *
I guess I met you two summers before that. I was in the waiting room at Bill's office. I was waiting to have lunch with him. I didn't have a job so I had time. But he was taking a long time, so I was just sitting there. They had nice magazines. And then you walked in. You wore glasses. You were really skinny. You had short brown hair. It was a special moment. I thought that as you walked past me. Bill came out, and he said hi to you.
He and I went to lunch. I'm not sure what we ate. It might have been sandwiches. I asked him who you were.
"What girl?" he said.
"The one you said hi to in the office," I said.
"What she look like?" he said.
"She wore glasses. She was really skinny. She had short brown hair," I said.
"Jenny," he said.
Your name was Jenny.
He asked me if I liked you. He said he thought you were too skinny.
I told him I liked you.
"Do you want to meet her?" he said.
I can't describe the pounding of my heart. It beat so strong.
"Meet her?" I said.
I could not believe at that moment that this was even a possibility.
"Yeah, I'll tell her you saw her and liked her and want to meet her. No problem. I'm your friend. I'll hook you up," he said.
"Wow," I said.
Bill is a good friend.
Two days later he told me he talked to you. He said he told you I had seen you in the waiting room.
"Did she see me?" I said.
"No, she doesn't remember seeing you," he said. But he said we'd be hanging out at this bar at 75th Street that Thursday night after work.
I can't describe the pounding of my heart. It beat so strong.

* * *
I took a long shower Thursday afternoon. It relaxed me. I wore a shirt that I thought looked cool. It was iridescent green, kind of. I took the train from Queens and got there right on time. The place was called the Bowling Bar. It was crowded. A sign said they served these drinks called The Strike, and there was a picture of one. Everyone in the place seemed to be drinking one. I ordered one. It was very sweet but strong.
Bill showed up with Leonard from his office. Leonard is a nice guy. Bill said you were on your way. The guys ordered beers.
We found a small booth in the back. The table had lots of names carved into it. My drink was very strong but I was not getting drunk.
And then you walked in.
You weren't wearing glasses. This made me more nervous. You were with two girls and you said hi quickly and walked to the booth next to us. There were walls between the booths, so I could not see what you all were doing.
Bill said, "Are you going to talk to her?"
I said I needed another Strike first. So I got up to get one. The guys did not want to try one.
I guess a Strike is like a frozen juice drink with liquor in it. Maybe they use raspberries. There were a lot of people by the bar, and it took a while for me to get the bartender's attention. He wore a black bowling shirt, and his shirt said his name was Mitch. It had a bowling pin on it, too. Mitch was a tall guy with big arms. In fact, most of the guys there were tall and had big arms. There were lots of pretty girls there, too, and they were laughing a lot. I thought then that I looked silly in my green shirt, and that I probably looked silly in my glasses, too.
I took a big sip on the straw of my new drink.
I sat back down at the booth with Bill and Leonard. They wanted to know when I was going to talk to you. I said all in good time. It sure did not help that you and your friends were in the next booth behind the wall.
The guys started to talk about work. They both worked together in the same office. I did not have a job. I listened to them talk. They were complaining about their boss.
After a while Bill said, "You want to go over and talk to her. Let's go over. I'll go with you."
I was not sure.
Leonard said, "We'll all go."
So we took our drinks and got up and walked over to the next booth. You and your two girlfriends were sitting there. There was no room for us to sit down.
Bill started talking to them about work. Leonard complained about their boss.
I was standing near you but I did not know what to say. I tried to be brave. You had big brown eyes.
You were looking at Bill and Leonard talking. Then I said, "Have you tried a Strike? They pretty good." That is what I said.
You turned to me and said, "No, I'm having a beer." You raised your Corona up at me. I nodded. Then you went back to listening to Bill and Leonard. I did too.
We stood there for a while, and then I went to get another Strike. It took a while because Mitch was busy. I got my drink and sat down in the empty booth and looked at the names on the table. I wondered how old the table was and what had happened to the people who had carved their names there. Was Tito still number one? Were "Gary + Ginger" still together?
The guys came back to the table.
"Where'd you go, man?" Bill said.
Leonard said that you and your friends were leaving. You had a show to go to.
You came by and went by our table and said bye and I said, "It was nice meeting you," to you, but I don't think you heard it because the music was too loud.
Bill said I should have talked to you. I told him I didn't know what to say.
I asked him if you had said anything about me. He said no. But he said I should ask you out.
Maybe it was the drinks that gave me the courage. But I said yes I would.

Next: I was born in New Jersey.